Air Base and Citrus Park Field Trip

The Camp Fire group scheduled a double field trip day. It sounded like great fun, so we went! Like all of their meetings and field trips, it was optional. That is so nice, because with kids, everything is optional. We can't guarantee plans for anything, ever. You just never know what might come up, literally.

Nobody woke up sick, so we were good to go!

First stop:  March Air Force Base Museum.

We've been here before, and we just went to the San Diego Air Museum last week. But, it's a great place to walk around and feel tiny. The airplanes are huge! The girls enjoyed themselves and I did too. They've changed the indoor area and the new layout is nice and open. It was great to be there. We see new things every time we've been there. And Gracie had a great time bonding with her new friends. Libby clung to me.

Picnic Lunch:

We had a picnic on the grass in front of the Air Museum. It was nice. Not all of the families joined in but they all said they'd meet up at the next destination. Picnicking together was fun. But, of course I would do this, I spilled my iced tea. I had less than half a cup left, and I spilled it. I had it in one of those insulated plastic cups with a screw on lid and a straw. I held it by the lid (why do I do crazy things like this?) The lid popped right off and the cup fell, spilling the remainder of my tea right onto my ankle. The tea soaked my sock and I had to walk around the rest of the day with a wet sock inside of my shoe. Oh how stupid that felt. I had about 3 oz of tea and that's where it had to land? For Pete's sake!

Next stop:  California Citrus Historical State Park.

Wow. Never even knew about this place. As we pulled up to the gates of the park, I rolled down our windows of the car and wow! The air was fragrant! It smelled so delicious! Citrus flowers! I want to live in this neighorhood and smell this every day.  Yummmm!

Now, everyone knows that I have a hyper sensitive nose. My schnoz rocks. I'm like a dog with this thing. So I was in heaven and we hadn't even parked yet.

The Citrus Park had a little museum and we toured that. Nice exhibits in there told about the citrus market and how citrus traveled along the Silk Road to Europe, and from there across to the Americas. There are lots of varieties of citrus. I had no idea.  I can name four:  Orange, Lemon, Lime and Grapefruit.  But, no, there are several varieties of each of those basic groups of citrus and more!

The Park was hosting a special tasting event that day.  Drool!  We got to taste more varieties of citrus than I could count! (I can't count high, I get bored and sick of counting. Math just isn't my thing.)  We lined up and they had us taste the varieties of Grapefruits first. Then the Lemons and Limes.  The kids were willing to try things, but when you start with the tarts, they lost their will to taste new citrus fruits pretty fast. After the tarts, we moved on to the Oranges and the sweets.  Everything was super delicious. I loved it all. I loved the sour, the tart, the acidic, the low acid, the sweet, the watery, the bland, the bold, all of it.

All of the varieties that we tasted were grown at the Park.  However, they do not allow anyone to pick from the fruit trees, and they do not harvest and sell the fruits. Um.... I want some.

Behind the museum, there were a couple of picnic tables set up with balsa wood, hammers and nails. The docents offered to do a craft project with the kids. Sure. Do it!  Let me just sit back here and snap a few pictures while you teach my kid to use a hammer. Love this!  The kids hammered away and ended up creating a miniature orange crate. Too cute! And very cool that they had this project for the kids. The kids loved using the hammers and learning how to hammer nails.  Gracie was pretty good at it. Libby, well, she's better at drawing and dancing and things that do not involve hammers and nails.

We hiked around the citrus grove for a bit and noted the variations of the tree sizes, amount of fruit on the different trees and things like that. Libby saw one  person pluck an orange, peel it and eat it. She was very concerned that he'll end up in jail for stealing an orange. The signs say not to pick the oranges.

Somewhere between the carpentry and the hiking, we lost our Camp Fire group. The kids finished the orange crates at different rates, and everyone was with their families, so I think they are a lot like our school groups and do quite a bit of field tripping on their own as well as some with the group. That was fine. It gave Gracie a chance to tell me how much she liked her new friends. I am thrilled beyond happiness that she is enjoying this youth group!

We stayed at the Citrus Park until shortly after 3pm and then got back in our car.  We sat in the car, shut the doors and wow, my car stinks. I'd rather be out in the Citrus Grove. It was sad to leave that beautiful aroma behind. My nose had a wonderful afternoon!

We joined Camp Fire!

One day we were at the park and just after I told the kids to do their favorite thing because we were leaving soon, I spotted a little kid wearing a Camp Fire Inc Tshirt.  Camp Fire? No way!  I kept my eye on the kid to figure out which mom on the sidelines she belonged to.

I figured it out and approached the mom. Sure enough, the little girl was in Camp Fire. I was hoping it wasn't a thrift store find, but you never know. I had no idea there was a Camp Fire group out here. Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts are very popular, but Camp Fire and 4-H are unheard of around here. At least that's what I thought. So glad I was wrong! I found Camp Fire!  The gal was more than happy to give me some information to find it online and she wrote her name and phone number down for me too. Nice!

I looked it up and found it easily. There is one Camp Fire group in Riverside County and it's right here in our area. There are only about 8 or 10 kids in the group, most of them are second graders, but the ages do vary a bit. They allow kids from age 5 - 17 in the group. There is a bigger Camp Fire presence in San Diego, but even that is fairly small for the size of the area.  I was added to the Riverside Camp Fire facebook group page and found them to be very friendly there.  We were invited to a meeting before registering. Score!

The Camp Fire year starts with the calendar year rather than the school year, so we were able to join at the beginning of a year and not mid-stream. Awesome!  First, I wanted to attend one meeting before we officially joined because I wanted to make sure we fit in and we understood the expectations and that it would fit in with our lifestyle.

Meetings are held once a month and they are project based. Each meeting is a mini-session to learn, make, or do something. This sounds more like 4-H to me than the Camp Fire I remember. What a great blend! I love the once a month meeting schedule; it isn't an overwhelming time commitment for us and that's perfect in my little world. The group wasn't going to meet in January though because all of the families were too busy so they decided to meet twice in February instead. Cool, they are flexible! I love that!

I was afraid that I was getting my hopes up and I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment. I didn't really tell the girls much before we went to the first meeting. I told them it was kind of like a playgroup, which they understood better. I had to leave myself a window to escape without hurting their feelings just in case it was anything like our brief Girl Scout experience (even though I wasn't getting that vibe at all).

We went to the first meeting and the kids blended right in!  They  had a great time making friends with the other kids. Gracie especially had a good time since most of the kids were her age, and the older kids were the same size as her, so she just hit it off with everyone! Libby tags along well, so she had a good time too.  I spoke with the moms about the organization, expectations, projects, badges, beads, and the program as a whole. It has changed a lot since I was in it!

Since there is only one group here and the kids are different ages, they don't break it down into age groups. The age groups do exist though. The little ones are no longer called Bluebirds. Darn. Why would they change that! I don't even remember what the age groups are called now, but this group just calls it all "Camp Fire".

A lot has changed. The beads are different and I'm sure there are different badges. Hard to say at this point, but they do earn beads and badges.  The logo changed. It doesn't look like a campfire, more like a fire cracker.

One gal in particular seems to be the "Leader" although they told me that each family leads a meeting/project. I signed up to lead the September meeting. I have 8 months to prep for it. Whew! They needed another project in the art category so I am going to do a sewing session. I think they can make super-hero capes or tote bags.  When I lead a 4-H sewing meeting back in Pierre when the older girls were in elementary, we made tote bags.  I like that each family leads a meeting and contributes to the group. I remember my mom did most of the leading back when I was a little Camp Fire Girl.

At the first meeting, I was very impressed! It was heartwarming to know that Camp Fire draws in the best of people. The adults at the meeting were all jolly and involved. They laughed and all contributed to the project. They were very welcoming to us too. After the meeting, we knew we were going to be Camp Fire Girls! Gracie and Libby each got a vest, I had some enrollment forms (not a huge stack of paperwork), and we had signed up to host a meeting! We're IN!

How is this even possible?

My cousin just announced that she has breast cancer.  Technically, she's not actually my cousin. She's my husband's first cousin's daughter on his dad's side. Her dad was one of the oldest of that set of cousins and my husband was one of the  youngest; they are different generations. So, we're the same age.  Maybe. I didn't ask her how old she is, but I think we're very close in age.  Her daughters are similar in age to my daughters, in fact they look a lot alike! So, she's my cousin-in-law and now she's my breast cancer sister.

I wish she wasn't.  I wish she didn't have this.  I wish I didn't too.

My sister in law just had it. She's married to my husband's brother, so again, not a blood relative to me, but she's one of my people.

Three Schumacher women at once.  Almost at once, my sister-in-law recently finished her treatment as far as I know.  Three of us and none of us are blood related to one another, but we are all part of this big family.

Sure hope someone finds a cure for breast cancer soon. Too many women have it. Too many women had it. And now the risk is way too high for my daughters. I'm growing more worried about their futures every day.

I have something to get off my chest...

I have something to get off my chest:  My boobs.

I have breast cancer.

Although I have absolutely no symptoms, I feel great, I live a fairly low risk for cancer life, I went and had my very first mammogram just two months ago. I'm 48 years old and have breast cancer up my family tree. Then I had a second mammogram and ultrasound. Just a couple of weeks ago on Feb 6th, I had two biopsies done: one was an ultrasound biopsy and one was a stereotactic biopsy.

I received a phone call from my doctor on Feb 10th and she said "Mary, you have breast cancer."  I said, "Oh that's great. I didn't think anything was wrong. Thanks for calling."  And then she said, "No, Mary, listen. Your biopsies are both positive. You have breast cancer."  I think I've been in shock since.  I have been telling everyone who asks me if I got my results that no, I don't have them yet. I lied. I just needed to absorb this news.

She had me make an appointment at a surgical center. They wanted me to bring my records and films. Luckily, this gave me the perfect opportunity to find out what details are. Just saying "breast cancer" is pretty vague.  I'm not a fan of big bad vagueness. It's like too much darkness and I don't know what kind of creepy monsters are hiding in all of that darkness. I have to know.

I went to a local Breast Cancer Resource Center and had a tour and spoke with a counselor. She had a warm smile, was very informative and the facility was great. It's called "Michelle's Place". It has a library, support groups, beauty shop with makeup and wigs and a hair stylist, clothing, undergarments, prosthetic pieces, and lots of loving survivors and volunteers. Best thing though, all of their services are free!  They even have a children's support group. I borrowed some books from the library and they gave me a "toolkit" for the newly diagnosed. I think I'm gonna love this place!

Today, I had a consultation with a surgeon to discuss the severity of the cancer and the my options for treatment. This was the appointment where the truth comes out and I can honestly say I was very anxious about learning the truth about what I'm about to face. Keith took the day off to come with me so that I would have someone to help me listen and ask questions. He was great. I'm very lucky to have such a supportive and wonderful husband!

The doctor was very professional and yet, very personal. I really like him. In fact, I don't even feel the need for a second opinion because this guy is the kind of doctor that I appreciate.  He explained my type of breast cancer - Did you know there are 200 kinds of breast cancer? Neither did I. - and  he laid out my treatment options.

I have two spots of breast cancer. They are different types and in different stages. I must have had one of them before the other one sprouted up. The more mature spot is aggressive and it has sprouted a baby bud, and it has escaped from the milk duct and is invading the breast tissue. If I had waited another couple of years to have my first mammogram, I may have had to fight for my life instead of just face a surgery.

Ha. Just a surgery. I have three surgical options to choose from. None of them are easy.  All are going to be rough and I'm going to have to be tough and lay low to recuperate. One of the surgical options gives me the best chance of never having to do this again. The way my cancer is in multiple locations and different stages leads the doctor to believe that I will keep getting breast cancer spots popping up over my lifetime and I will have to have surgery time and time again as it pops up.  A lumpectomy or a single mastectomy will get rid of the cancer I have now, but I'll most likely get breast cancer again in the tissue left behind.  The third option and his favorite due to the circumstances, is a double mastectomy with a lymph node biopsy and reconstruction. 

Just call me Angelina.

This double will get rid of my cancer and get rid of the little black raincloud that I would always have hanging over me for the rest of my life.  If I don't get the double, then I will always be worrying if the cancer is back. I don't want to live with that worry every day, forever. I also do not want to do this twice. It is both a cure and a prevention.  I may avoid chemo and radiation depending on the lymph node biopsy. I won't know that until after the surgery.

Don't tell my kids. Please!  My children are young. My daughters are 7 and 5 years old. My grandsons are 3, 2, and 1. They are too young to understand the gravity of the situation combined with the fact that isn't life threatening. Just life changing.  They know the word cancer. They know their beloved dog had cancer, she had surgery, and the cancer came back. They know their dog died from cancer. That's what they know and understand about cancer. My greatest concern about me having breast cancer is scaring my kids. I do not want them to fear for my life nor for theirs. Keith and I will figure out how to tell them and we will choose our words wisely. Before we do, I'd like to consult the counselor who runs the children's support group at the Breast Cancer Resource Center. If my children are in my presence, then don't talk to me about my cancer. Leave a comment, send an email, zip me a text. Thanks!

Please say a few prayers for my sisters and my four daughters. I already have breast cancer; they don't and their risk for it just went up a notch. I appreciate your prayers and your positive thoughts for me and my family. It's empowering!

 This is all new to me. If I didn't say it here, then I don't know the answer. If you find a good source of information, please share it in the comments.

I will be scheduled for the double mastectomy surgery in April. That's only 6 - 8 weeks away. I will need help. My husband and daughters will help out as much as they can, but we all know who does the herding of children around here: me. I will need help taking the kids to school and picking them up, taking them to the park to play, walking the dog, doing some laundry and feeding the kids, helping them with homework, and all of that sort of thing. I'm worried about being down and out of commission. I'll write a blog post later about what I think I might need help with while my husband is at work and I'm recovering from surgery. My mom has already expressed how disappointed she is that she can't come out and stay to help, but she is much more needed at home. I am so very lucky to have lots of wonderful generous local friends!

This whole post, like this whole day, I'm operating in a very cold mode. I'm trying to absorb information, make big decisions, communicate effectively. I am working very hard to suppress my anxiety and my feelings right now so that I can think straight. I'll cry into my pillow later.

I don't want breast cancer. I really don't. I'm overwhelmed with the idea of me having cancer, me having surgery and all of the information. I don't want this. I don't want fake boobs, I don't want surgery scars, I don't want radiation tattoos.  I don't want to wear pink and have pink ribbon decor on everything. I don't want breast cancer to define me. I just want to be me. For those reasons, I'm going to get the double mastectomy and reconstruction. I'm going to get the cancer out of me and move on. 

Boob Voyage, Cancer. 

Lifting the Security Restrictions

I really wanted my blog to be semi-public, mostly private, just a wee bit of security. But, it's frustrating and very few people are having much luck reading my blog.

I like the restrictions. They make me feel more free. Isn't that weird?

So, screw it. Taking the invite only thing off of the blog. Happy Open Reading!

PS - when you do visit my blog and read a post, or skim through, please leave me a comment! I love comments on my blog posts! Let me know you stopped by!

Ed Week - Final Day

Today we didn't do a darn thing. Ed and I just stayed home with the three kids and we watched TV and visited. We relaxed! So nice.

I made gigantic omelettes and threw everything I had in them: ham, cheese, onions, green peppers, mushrooms and tomatoes. Along with a couple of pots of coffee, we were stuffed! It was fabulous!

Charlie wanted his Gruncle (great uncle) Ed to watch Despicable Me 2 with him, so they did that. Ed now understands the full appeal of the lipstick taser. I think he wants one too. Boys!

Ed and Mandi decided to leave this afternoon instead of tomorrow morning. They have to have the rental car back tomorrow afternoon and if they leave tomorrow, they'll have to leave in plenty of time to get the car returned promptly. By now, I know that they aren't great at getting anywhere promptly. I think leaving a day early is a great idea just for that reason.  I did hear Mandi mention that Las Vegas was a 7 hour drive. Actually, it's a 5 hour drive, but they seem to stretch everything out longer than it needs to be so maybe they need a couple of extra hours. They also thought sleeping in their own beds and being home on their last day off would be nice. Then they could unwind and rest before getting back into the swing of things, and Eden could too. Good idea all the way around.

Except that I wished Ed could stay a few more days. We were having fun. Hopefully, they can come back again. Mandi seemed to have a great time and she got along well with her family. Eden had a blast, and I think he was a pretty good traveler and did well away from home and his normal routine of things.

Ed tried to help Gracie with her homework, but she wasn't having it. She had two pages of subtraction problems to do and she struggled all day long with motivation. The math isn't hard, but looking at the paper and writing down the answers is a big problem. She doesn't want to! She even tried to feed her homework to the dog.

Ed Week - Day 4 - Return to La Jolla

Yesterday, I told Ed that if we don't hit the road by noon, I'm not going. I lied.

He and Mandi make their plans on the fly, so they were texting each other planning their day. Yup, they were up and ready to do something before noon! I had to put my clean covers back on all of the carseats and reinstall them into the cars, pack a snack bag, restock the extra clothes and jackets in the trunk, and get gas. Oops, I'm the one who isn't ready!

We left the house at 12:01. Almost made it out by noon!  Darn! We went to Blocks' house to regroup and figure out our day. We had to see if Mike and Donna were coming too, and who was riding with who, etc.  As it ended up, Ed, Mandi and Eden drove their rental car and I drove my car with Gracie and Libby. Everyone else had things to do. We had our plan, and we were off!  Mandi was going to follow me.  I lost her less than a mile from the house, before we even got onto the freeway. Oh well.

We arrived at Kit Carson Park in Escondido and wandered up through the park to Queen Califia's Magical Sculpture Garden.  It was closed. We all went from happy and excited to slumpy and sad. That was very disappointing to find it gated and locked. Eden had a good time anyway. He saw some people playing with a remote control helicopter and he rode in our wagon. Fun stuff! We went back to our cars and headed to La Jolla to see the seals at the Children's Pool beach. We were near it the other day, but ran out of daylight before seeing them so we were going to squeeze it in today.

Once in La Jolla, we had to fend for ourselves with parking. It was hard to find a spot on a holiday! Even though it didn't look crowded as far as the people count but parking was nearly impossible. We planned to meet at the Children's Pool, so I guess it didn't matter where we parked. I found a good spot not too far away on a side street. As soon as I parked, Ed called and said they found a parking spot too. We were just around the corner from them! How funny! I figured we would park a mile apart with it being so hard to find spots.

It was cold in La Jolla! We stepped out of the car and immediately grabbed up our jackets and Libby put on pants. Eden didn't have a jacket, but I had one of Charlie's sweater's in the trunk and a long sleeve thermal shirt too. Ed layered him up and we were set. Gracie said she didn't care if it was cold or not, she was going to jump around in the tide pools. Fair enough. I grabbed a tote bag from the trunk and tossed in some extra pants for her. My trunk has turned into a closet.

We wandered over to the tide pools and sure enough, Gracie splashed around and got her skirt all wet. I made her promise to keep her shirt dry. Libby rolled up her leggings and got her feet wet. Eden was happy to stay on the sand and stay out of the water. We saw a few seals. They are so cute! I just want to pet them! But Gracie said, "No, mom. They'll bite your hand off."  She's probably right.

After we hopped around the tide pools we walked out on the sea wall. Lots of seals on the other side in the Children's Pool! And some babies too! They are smelly but oh so adorable!

Everyone was cold and hungry, especially Mandi. We thought we'd wander up the Main Street and see if we could find a local little eatery. A lady came along with a puppy dog and the dog came right up to the kids and rolled over for a belly rub. She told us that there was a pizzeria just up the street and that sounded good to us. We walked to avoid trying to park again.

Delicious dinner! We got to the restaurant at 5:20 and Happy Hour was going until 5:30. Our entire bill ended up on the Happy Hour prices, which was half off of most of the foods. That was nice. La Jolla is an expensive upscale place and the prices reflect that. We ended up eating very good food at reasonable prices. And we had great service too.

Now that we were full and happy and we had done what we could do at the beach, I was ready to head home. It was nearly 7pm and I wanted to get my girls home to bed.

Just a few minutes after I got home, Ed and Mandi popped in. They wanted to know if I would babysit Eden and if Lexie would go out for a beer with them. She already had pajamas on, but she changed and went along. I sent Gracie up to bed, Libby was already asleep and I let Charlie stay up to play with Eden for a bit. Keith was at work.

Keith came home a little after 9 o'clock and was surprised to see Charlie and Eden playing.  They were enjoying playing together, but Charlie was fading fast.  At 9:40 he said "I'm going to bed. Get me someping to dwink." He laid down in his "camping spot" in his mom's room and passed out. That was the end of that. Eden continued to play and explore until the party crew came back after 11pm. They had a good time and I'm glad the three of them found some time to spend a bit of time together without old people or little people distracting them.

Ed Week - Day 3

On the third day, we all slept in! So nice!  The girls and I had plans for the morning, which I thought would be just fine since Ed and Mandi are not morning people. And, they probably don't want me tagging along for every minute of their vacation neither. Maybe they'd like to do things on their own or without me telling them what to do, when to do it, how to get there, etc.

I was wrong. They just can't get enough of me. 

The girls and I went to our first Camp Fire meeting; I'll write a separate post about that later. The meeting was from 10am until 1:00, but it was around 2pm when we got home. As I was driving home, I heard from Ed and Lexie. They were at the park with Charlie and asked us to join them. I said no because I wanted to get home and get some housework done while Ed was out of the house and just relax a bit. I also needed to clean out my car. After two days of living in it, it stunk!

It was around 3:00 when Ed started begging me to take him to San Diego to the beach again. He wanted to go to Coronado. That is the furthest beach and sunset was two hours away at this point. I said no, laughed at his idea to get there just in time to say, "the day is done, let's go home".  He kept asking and I kept saying no. I was on a roll with cleaning out my car anyway. 

I removed the kids' carseats and stripped the fabric covers off of them. I grabbed the one out of Lexie's car while I was at it. I threw them all in the washer, plus tossed in the rugs that I use between the carseats and the actual seats of the car. Everything was dirty. With the car seats out, I was able to really wipe the seats and doors down, I vacummed the interior and dug everything out from under the seats. All sorts of things find their way under the seats and get lost there.  I had been throwing away our trash as we accumulated it over the past couple of days, but I still pulled out a lot of trash from the car. Lots of loose french fries, half a hamburger, plenty of dirty socks (why?), and I found the main source of the stink:  a McDonald's milk container. My car has a black interior and it  heats up like an oven. Milk in my car? How disgusting! No wonder it was so smelly! I got that car looking good now. It was all clean and crumb free. So nice!

Ed and Mandi took Eden and their rental car and went to San Diego on their own. But first, they had to get ready, eat, get ready again, and they finally left town at 6pm. It was already dark. I'm glad I didn't even toy with the idea of going. My kids get pajamas on and start the bedtime routine just after 8pm so that they are in bed and asleep by 9:00 at the latest. Eden's normal bedtime is 11pm or later. So, they operate about 5 hours apart and while on vacation,, they are staying up later than usual and waking later than usual. They got up around noon. Their day was only half gone and mine was nearly complete. I'm glad they could go and have fun by themselves though, I think that is good to have that time without me tagging along too. And they found their way all by themselves too. 

I needed the day to clean my car and the house and bathe the kids. We needed the break in the action. Ed doesn't seem energetic, but he actually is. I was tired!  Day 3 was not too exciting, but it was a good day. 

Ed Week - Day 2 - Aquarium and Beach

Today started pretty slow. I hadn't meant for it to, but after some pajama time and coffee, it was already after 9am! We meant to be at Blocks' house by 10:30 and that is half and hour drive from our house.  And here we were all in pajamas just finishing a breakfast of French Toast and orange juice. Ed said not to worry as they weren't morning people anyway.

After packing more dry clothes and towels into the car, we stopped for lunch at Del Taco and headed over to Blocks' house. It was noon and Eden was just waking up for the day. We made our plan for the day and since we had to take two cars, we said we'd meet at our destination.

The plan was to go to the Scripps Birch Aquarium in La Jolla. Mike said it was great and Eden will like the tanks of fish. I already have a family pass to the Aquarium and two guest passes that expire soon, so his idea was a pretty good one. Then we'd go to the beach at La Jolla Shores, it is half a mile from the aquarium and free parking. Mike suggested we stop at Costco and grab some burger and buns and grill hamburgers at his time share in Carlsbad for dinner. Sounded like a great plan.

Ed, Gracie, Libby, Charlie and I left first and the Blocks said they'd catch up at the aquarium. We were there for at least an hour before they showed up, maybe more. It was a very busy day at the aquarium; I've never seen it that busy! Libby's nose sprung a leak and she had a bloody nose that just kept bleeding the whole time we were at the aquarium. Her dress was splotched with blood and she held a kleenex to her face most of the time, but that didn't stop her from having a good time.

Along came Mike, Mandi, Sierra and Eden. By the time the Block family showed up, our kids were pretty much done and they wanted to go to the beach. I'm very thankful that the aquarium is such a fun place for the kids. They have a playground outside and a little play area inside, plus the tide pool where you can touch starfish and sea cucumbers. Very easy to keep the kids entertained even past the point of their attention span.

At almost 4pm, we went to the beach. I got the best parking spot ever! It was busy and cars were just hanging out in the parking lot rows waiting for someone to pull out, but I rolled right in and someone left just as the timing was right for me to pull right in. I was super happy about my prime parking spot! We got the wagon out of the trunk and filled it with towels and stuff and went to play in the water. The kids had so much fun! Libby got cold pretty fast, but Gracie never gets cold and Charlie had on his wetsuit, so he was just fine too.

Libby snuggled up in the wagon and ate snacks while the other two played in the waves. They ran in and out of the waves, splashed and ran. They build sandcastles and volcanoes and dug puddles. They scared birds too. So much fun! Charlie even got to fly a kite!

Two young men were flying long strings of kites and they let people hold the kites. They didn't ask for money, or try to send anyone to a kite shop on the beach, nothing like that. They just shared the joy. It was so neat to see Charlie flying that kite!

Eden was not impressed with the ocean. He was so looking forward to seeing the ocean and playing in the water, but when he was there, he was scared. He clung to Mike and Mandi and Ed and he kept telling them that there was too much water. He didn't like that the water was sloshing in toward where he was standing. And he was cold. The sand was cold and the water was cold. He was a disappointed little boy.

We decided to skip going to Carlsbad and grilling dinner and decided to meet at a restaurant nearby. That was fine, but then Charlie fell asleep in his carseat before we got very far and so Ed called Mandi and found out that they had changed their minds. They wanted to go to a buffet place that served salads. Last thing Ed wanted was a salad buffet, and so we grabbed some burgers and ate them on the way home. It was nice to avoid taking the kids in and out of the car again.

In the last two days, we've eaten three meals in the car. We've also had a lot of wet kids, sand, dirt, burps and farts.  I've tossed out the trash as it accumulated, and removed the wet clothes from the trunk. The car stinks!

Ed Week - Day 1 - Air and Space Museum

My little brother is here visiting from the far far away land of Las Vegas.  It's only a 5 hour drive, really not that far, but he has a busy life there and I have a busy life here so we rarely see each other even though we intend to. So, this visit is a nice treat!

Friday:  We were slow getting started with our day; eventually everyone was dressed, fed and ready to go somewhere. The question was: Where?  I packed the trunk of the car with the wagon, beach towels, swim suits, extra clothes, jackets, dvds, and snacks. We were ready for anything!  I forgot the dvd player though.

Our first stop on our day of adventures was Mike and Donna's house. We were meeting up with Mandi and Eden and going from there, taking two cars. We figured we would go to the beach. Eden really wants to see the ocean! When we got to Blocks' house, Eden was sleeping and Mandi was too tired to go anywhere. We decided to go to the beach together the next day, leaving at 10:30am. Of course, with four little kids, the time and plan is tentative.

We left Blocks' at 2pm and ran through In n' Out for burgers and fries. Squeezing three kids in the back seat is an exercise in patience and I thought if we threw food at them it would keep them from arguing for a while. We went down to San Diego and walked around through Balboa Park.

We went to the first museum that we saw: San Diego Air and Space Museum. It is included in our Balboa Park Explorer passes. I handed the kids their passes and I had mine, then I gave Ed Lexie's pass. It was a gamble and I'm not sure what they'd do if we got caught sneaking Ed in as a pass holder, but we were feeling daring and so we tried it. It worked! We handed our passes to the clerk and she lined them all up and scanned them and then said "Two adults and three kids". Yup. She didn't look at names, just the corner where it said Adult or Child. Then she asked for ID. I got my driver's license out and showed it to her while Ed had a silent heart attack behind me; she said ok and I scooped up our passes and we all went in. Whew!

The kids had a good time in the museum, but they ran through pretty fast. They wanted to touch everything and sit in the planes. Charlie kept climbing over and under the barricades to the exhibits. Egads! We're gonna get tossed out yet!  Ed and Charlie tried the Hurricane Simulator. It wasn't all that exciting for a bald guy, but Gracie wouldn't get in there. Charlie thought it was loud, but otherwise not a big deal.

After the airplane museum, we wandered down the main walkway, past the Koi Pond and to the big fountain. Charlie wanted to put his toes in the fountain water, so I said ok. Just your toes! I knew he'd stick his feet in anyway. Libby and Gracie wanted to put their toes in too. Charlie ended up wet from the shoulders on down, Libby got the hem of her dress and her panties wet (she sat on the edge and water sloshed up and got her little tush wet) and Gracie managed to keep her shoes and clothes dry. Her legs are longer though.

Good thing I packed dry clothes! I had the two wet kids change in the car before we left and I used my wet bag that I made for myself to pack up their soaking wet stuff. I was proud of myself for having enough stuff in my trunk for situations like this, until I realized I had no pants for Charlie and no shirt or panties for Libby. Whoops. I managed to clothe them in dry stuff for the ride home though.

It was a very fun day!

Biopsy Double Whammy

The good news is:  my ankles feel better.

My ankles have been giving me trouble lately. Twinges of aches and pains and they just don't feel fully healed. Especially the one that was broken. Then the other day I had a Charlie Horse in my calf so bad that it took me quite a while to recover.  But that part of me sure feels better now!

I got to my doctor appointment on time. Lexie walked in the door to watch the kids right after I posted my last blog post, so the timing was just fine. The kids were all sick and so it was an easy day for her, they just laid on the couch and coughed on each other.

I got to the clinic at my 10am check-in time and found out that my appointment is for 11am but they wanted me there an hour early to complete paperwork. This time I had three pages of paperwork, which took me about a minute and a half to complete. I even read one of them. Why do they do this to people?

I flipped through an old Time magazine, talked to Katie on my phone (stepped out in the hallway for that, but I could still see the waiting room), and played solitaire on my phone. They kept calling ladies back, and there were a lot of people named Mary. Every time the nurse calling people to the back half the lobby said, "Me?"  Kind of comical actually, but it made me worry about files getting mixed up. Hope that doesn't happen.

I don't know when I got called back in, seems like it took forever but I'm pretty sure it was around 10:30. Donned a pink smock and waited in the next waiting room.

Just for the sake of sharing some information that I learned from my Google research, there are four types of breast biopsies. Surgical, Fine needle, Stereotactic and Ultrasound. I was going to be having the latter two because I have micro-calcifications and a micro-mass. I don't have a tumor or a cyst or pain or any symptoms of anything, just some tiny specs on the mammogram. I also don't know a single soul who has gone through this, although from what my doctor said, a biopsy is the one and only way to diagnose breast cancer. I do know a few people who have had breast cancer, but I didn't know they had a biopsy after the mammogram.

I was taken to the Stereotactic Biopsy room. The nurses prepped the room and explained to me how the procedure was going to go. I had some questions, quite a few. They actually said they appreciated getting questions because they are educated in their field and people never realize that they have extensive knowledge about it. Their patients usually just want to know the least amount possible and hurry it all along.

We got to the point in their explanation about "the clip". After the biopsy is taken, they insert a little piece of titanium, shaped like a teeny tiny loop of ribbon in there where they removed tissue. They said it is to mark the spot for future reference. This makes no sense to me. They compare images, there are the medical records, why do I need bling in my boob? Sharp little pointy metal things? Yikes, no thanks! I cannot understand the benefit of this but I was getting the glare from the nurses. I told them no. They went and got the doctor.

This guy comes in and introduces himself, he looked like an older version of Kennan on Saturday Night Live, he even had that same goofy grin. We discussed the clip. He explained it much like the nurses did, but he added that if the biopsy comes back as positive for cancer the clip pinpoints exactly where the surgeon would need to remove the cancer. Otherwise, the surgeon would opt to remove a lot of extra tissue to be sure he got it all . Ok, that makes sense. So, I consented to the clips being inserted. I appreciated the way he came and spent time to explain this to me, and he spoke to me like a person rather than a burden to his day. He didn't act like I was bothering him. I really do appreciate that because this isn't an easy thing to do, and it's also challenging to ask why and disagree with the system.

If you want to know what happened next, you can look up Stereotatic Biopsy on Google or Youtube. What I found was pretty accurate to my experience. Except, the patients in the youtube videos were way more calm and happy than I was. Sure wish I would have gotten some of the drugs they were on! I had a hard time remaining calm. I hyperventilated, snotted and cried, jumped at the noises, gritted through the pain, and the women on the videos had expressions like they were at the spa. It took about an hour and a half to do the biopsy, and that was after the lengthy explanations beforehand. It was 1pm when I was done.

The nurses brought me cookies and orange juice. I had a headache, uncontrollable shaking and I was dry, dizzy and nauseated. Citrus and dry cookies didn't sound good at all. I just wanted a cup of water.

Afterthought: You know what the weirdest thing was?  When the doctor inserted the auger (or maybe it was a post-hole digger), he said "deploying the probe".  Sounds like something you'd hear if you were abducted by aliens. 

Then I was taken to an ultrasound room for my next biopsy. Yup, another one! They said this one would be more comfortable. That's a fine word to use. I notice a lot of terms are tossed around loosely like that.  The ultrasound tech found the little spot and I saw it on the screen; it looked like Leafman's nose.  The same doctor came in and I told him that I cannot watch. Since I was still shaking like a leaf from the last biopsy, I think they were more than willing to accommodate my request. I was allowed to put my arm over my face instead of just above my head where they first told me to lay it.

This biopsy was a lot faster. It only took a few minutes and it wasn't nearly as bad as the first one. The doctor finished and said, "Double Whammy! Two biopsies in a row for you. Now you are a biopsy pro."  Stick that on my resume.

The doctor said that since both my spots were so super tiny, that the biopsies might remove the whole thing. He said about 85% of biopsies are nothing, but the rest of them are cancer or pre-cancer. I'll hear in a week the results. I now have two clips and I may have some discomfort and bruising.

I had to have another mammogram now, to show the position of the clips. I didn't think I could take any more, but this was the end of it. The nurse wrapped me up in a giant ace bandage and told me to keep it on for 24 hours.

It was just after 2pm when I was leaving the clinic. They told me not to drive home because I was still shaking! I could not stop! I promised to call someone to drive me and then they let me go. Of course, I didn't. Who was I going to call? I drove myself home, very cautiously.

When I got home, I took a pain pill that I had left over from my broken ankle. Thank goodness I still have a few of those! The novocaine was worn off and my boob was throbbing!

The next day I was pretty sore, and I have huge purple bruises. Huge! I also took off the ace bandage and put on a soft bra that has no wires. Ah, much better! I should have done that as soon as I got home.

I took it easy and used my arm to protect my right side from bumps and hugs. Lexie and Keith were at work so I had all the kids. I just kept feeding them and kept the movies going on the tv. They were sick and fairly easy to manage for once. I took Excedrin Migraine instead of my broken ankle pain pills, and that seems to work pretty well and didn't make me sleepy.

It's been a couple of days now and I'm still sore, but not bad. I can do what I need to do as long as I don't get bumped.  Righty is a very beautiful deep purple color. The steri-strips itch.

My sister taught me this wonderful recuperation trick; when she went to the dentist, she followed it up with retail therapy: shopping!  The biopsy double whammy retail therapy purchase is a new couch. It's awesome! Shopping does make a girl feel better!

My First Mammogram

I'm 48 years old and I have breast cancer in my family history. And, I own a pair of boobs.  Sigh.  No way around it, I have to go do this squishing thing.

It was recommended to me, by someone or I read it somewhere, or somehow I knew, that I should get my first mammogram at age 35 and annually after age 40.  Well, I'm only 18 years behind schedule, not too bad.

I finally made an appointment.  My appointment was in November.  I chickened out and called to cancel, but halfway through the phone call I found enough courage to just reschedule. The appointment was now bumped into December. When the day came I was nervous, but I went.

The entire time I was waiting in the waiting area, I thought about just getting up and leaving. I have no idea why my instinct to flee is so strong, but I really do have to fight to keep those thoughts at bay when I'm in a doctor's office.

I did it though. It wasn't horrible, it was just weird and uncomfortable. It didn't take long and I was done. Once I was done, I left that "I really need to do that someday" feeling behind. Done! Accomplished! No more nagging!  Whew.

Honestly, I wasn't one bit worried about the results. I live a pretty clean life and I nursed my babies which I know reduces the chances of breast cancer.  I do have breast cancer up my family tree, but I feel young and healthy and really have no other concerns except to get the mammogram off of my list of things I just need to do.

Wish it were so easy.  I later found out that most first time mammograms get called back in for retakes.  They don't have anything to compare it to and so they call you back. That makes no sense to me.

Sure enough, I got a letter in the mail saying they wanted me to come back and take more images.  But then the next day I got another letter saying I missed my appointment and need to call and reschedule. Missed my appointment? I was there! Whatever. I tucked both letters away and figured I would deal with it after the holidays. I really don't have time for this, especially if they don't even know I was there and most first timers get called back in, I'm going on the assumption that it's a bunch of hooey.

One day while I was shopping with the three kids in Sams Club in the pre-holiday crowd, my doctor's office called.  Like dork, I answered, as if I could hold a conversation while shopping in a crowded store with three wound up kids and pushing a giant cart full of groceries. The nurse said they got my results and they wanted me to go back for more images.  I said I can't discuss it right now and I can't go until after the holidays so I'll call her back in January.  She seemed to think I was uncooperative and made some snide comment, so I said again, "I am really busy at the moment and I will call the doctor back later."  Whatever. Next time I'm letting it go to voice mail.

A few days later I got a call while I was at home, with the three kids, who were all arguing and screaming and taking things away from each other (even though the elf on the shelf was watching them).  Again, I answered when I should have had the presence of mind to just let it go to voice mail.  This time it was the breast imaging clinic and they wanted me to schedule an appointment.  I could barely even hear the lady; I walked to another room and the screaming kids followed me wanted me to referee their scream-fest.  I told her I would call her back in January.

With the holidays and the other stuff going on and the kids out of school, I figured I would just deal with this mammogram stuff after Christmas, after Lexie moves back home, after the kids get back to school and things around here quiet down. If the tech didn't do it right and got bad images, that really isn't my problem and I'm not going to compound the holiday stress with unnecessary doctor appointments. I was regretting even bothering with the screeening.

I finally got some quiet time and I called the breast imaging center back to schedule it. I figured I had about ten minutes of quiet so I hid from Charlie (where I could still see him) to make the call. The clerk on the phone said the scheduling computer was down and they could call me back after 4:30pm.  I said no, don't bother. Because at that time, the girls will be out of school, Lexie will be at work, I will be trying to prep dinner, kids will be wound up and crazy, that's just not a good time!  I finally had some quiet time to schedule an appointment, for the first time in a month and the computer is down. I'll just try again another day.  Of course, they called me back but this time I let it go to voice mail. I'm learning!

The next day while the girls were in school, I had another chance to call so I tried again. This time I actually got the office and when I requested an appointment the clerk told me that I couldn't make one because I needed a referral from my doctor. Are you freaking kidding me?  So I asked her about the other letter I got, the one that says I didn't come to my appointment. So, do I actually need retakes or did the office screw up?  Because I'm not going to do it again if they just forgot or lost the images or some nonsense like that. She said no, they had my records and I had been there on December 4th. She said they only need to reimage the right side.  Oh, ok, well, then this letter is odd.

I called my doctor's office and requested a referral. The clerk said she would check my file and when she did she said "it says here you refused a referral already and that you were uncooperative". I said "does it say that the nurse called me when I was grocery shopping with three kids and it was crazy busy and I said I would call her back when I had a few minutes of quiet so that I could hear her?"  No. Hmm, imagine that.  I set her straight, I did not refuse and I am not uncooperative, I'm just busy and I have three loud children. Next time I will be sure to just let her listen to the background noise if that is preferable to having me call back when it's quiet and we can hear each other talk. She said she can fax over a referral. I said to please make note in my file that the nurse was uncooperative and I'm awesome. She said ok but she had that "I'm not really going to type that" tone of voice.

All of this phone calling drove me nuts. How ridiculous!

I called the breast clinic again.  Wow. Two phone calls in one day! Thank you for the awesome toys, Santa! Charlie was being good. I made an appointment to do this whole mammogram thing again.  The lady on the phone said I only needed to do the right side. I asked why and she said she didn't know. It would be nice to talk to someone other than the scheduling clerks, but whatever. I made my appointment. Sounds easy, but it was a huge accomplishment.  She said my appointment was at 1:40 but I had to be there by 1:10 to check in. I asked why do I have to check in 30 minutes early? So I can just sit there for half an hour? Why? She said I have to fill out paperwork.

Now that I've been through it once, I wasn't as nervous. I went to my appointment and arrived at 1:05.  The desk clerk asked my name and handed me a sheet of paper. She said to fill in the top half. I made three checkmarks and signed my name. That was the paperwork that was supposed to take me 30 minutes to complete. Really?  Really!  I asked if my appointment was at 1:40. Yes. And I was supposed to check in by 1:10 to complete paperwork? Yes.  And I'm finished with the paperwork and the time is now 1:06?  Yes.  Ok, I will be back at 1:40. No.

No?  Why not? I'm not that interested in just sitting here for 30 minutes. The receptionist looked understanding yet flustered. I told her I won't go far, but I do have errands to run and I see no point in wasting nearly an hour. She said she would bump me up to an earlier appointment. So, I sat down. It was 1:30 when I got called back. Wow, she saved me ten whole minutes.

I don't know why I wanted to get called back in so fast, I guess just to get it over with.  I was not happy with myself for even showing up for this appointment since it's just a repeat of the last appointment. But, I will just do it and scurry out of there.

I was escorted to a different mammogram room but it looked the same as last time. I asked the tech why I had to have a repeat. She said it was just the right side. I know, but why? She said there were micro calcifications in that one and they wanted a better image so they could enlarge the image and get a better look. I asked her, is that calcium?  Yes.  Is that from ingesting too much calcium? (Because I certainly do not get too much!)  She said it could be, or not. It's not necessarily related to what is eaten or how much.  Is it because my breasts used to make milk? I nursed for a very long time. She said No. I asked is calcium an idicator of cancer? She didn't reply. I asked again, do calcium deposits turn into cancer?  She said yes, often they do. Often they do not, but certain types of calcium can be a precancerous condition or nothing at all.

Then she did the mammogram. This machine did not have the automatic pressure sensor and shut off when it was squished flat enough. This machine had a hand crank and this tech had a strong arm.  This one hurt! I winced and told her no, this hurts, this is too tight, loosen it, I can't do this, this is very painful. She completely ignored me and ran behind her shield and took the pictures. Then she came back and I was still screeching about how it was hurting me.  Oh, was that too tight? Sorry, it has to be spread out for a better image.  Bullshit. That was ridiculous. She said One more. I said no, that's enough. I'm done. She promised she wouldn't squish it as hard. Fine.

Geez, I'm dumb. Of course she cranked that boob vice down past the point of being tolerable. I'm never doing this again. My boobs can rot and die for all I care. That hurt!  She said, there may be some bruising. No kidding.  Without even offering me an ice pack, she ran off to show the radiologist and ask if they'd need more images. I can tell you right now, no they do not!

She came back before the throbbing subsided. Yes, they want more images. I told her no thank you. She said they want an ultrasound. Oh, ok, fine. I was shuttled off to a waiting room somewhere in the labyrinth of the clinic. I waited there for another 30 minutes or more.

The ultrasound was a lot like an ultrasound you get when you are pregnant, but higher on the body. She focused on the area right under my right armpit on the side of the breast. Must be the fuzzy spot. This tech wouldn't answer any questions. I asked why did I have to have this done? Did the mammogram not give a good enough image? Or did they see something suspicious? What's going on?  She had a standard response of "the doctor can discuss that with you".  Yeah, what doctor? So far, I've seen receptionists and tech people. That's it.

When she was done, it didn't take long.  While I was having the ultrasound, my phone alarm went off. I set my alarm for 2:15pm so that I have time to finish whatever I 'm doing and go get the kids. She said she would show the radiologist and if he needed more images she would come back and take more. I said, no, if you need more you'll have to make another appointment. I've had enough today and I have to go pick up my children from school. I cannot make them wait. How old are they?  5 and 7.  Gotta go.  It was 2:20 now.  From the confused look she gave me, I gather that people don't often run out of an appointment.

A few days later I got a phone call from my OB/Gyn doctor.  Well, that can't be good if I'm hearing from the doctor. She doesn't make unnecessary phone calls and if everything was just fine. If that were the case, I would get a call from the receptionist, or a postcard.

The doctor said I have micro calcification flecks which are highly suspicious. She wants me to have a biopsy. I hear the word biopsy and my heart races. That's just another word for huge needle. I don't just hate needles, I really have an irrational phobia over them. I told the doctor I'd rather give birth than have a biopsy. Is this really necessary?  I made milk with these things, calcium deposits sounds like a reasonable effect. What's wrong with calcium? I suggested we just leave it be.

She started using her firm voice and told me this is necessary. A lot of biopsies come back negative, but the only way to diagnose breast cancer is to do the biopsy and in my case she strongly recommends that I just go get it done and within the week. Fine then. Can I have pain and anxiety meds? No. That makes no freaking sense.

Looking at my calendar, I don't see when I have time for this. It's probably a bunch of bologna anyway. Painful bologna.

I had to think about it for a while, but the breast center received the doctor's order and called me to make an appointment. Great. They nag more than anyone! I made the appointment for Feb. 6, between school hours. They only do biopsies on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The appointment was three weeks out, not within the week, but I don't see what the rush is. I do have other things on my plate and I can't just drop everything and run boob first into a giant needle. This takes some mental prep on my part.

I called two or three times asking questions about the procedure. It sounds just awful. People do this? Why isn't there a better way? It's called Stereotactic Breast Biopsy. I strongly discourage you from looking it up on youtube.  The doctor said "they will use a needle and you might feel some discomfort".  That's the medical way of saying they'll bore a hole in me with an extra large drill and it will be excruciatingly painful. I might die. And then they'll say, "There. That wasn't so bad was it?"

This has been very heavy on my mind and I've finally decided that I just need to do it and be done with it. I'm young (enough) and healthy (enough) and I don't have any concerns about cancer.  But it is a lot of stress to have this procedure pending.  And it's too much stress on top of everything else. The kids are sick, my husband is sick, Lexie is sick, my friend is sick and I've been trying to help her out too, we got a new puppy that requires a lot of attention, my grandma fell and is hospitalized, and now I have no babysitter because of all the sick people in this house.  But, I can't put it off because the anxiety is really getting to me, so I just need to do it.

Feb 6th is today. I'm freaking out. My appointment is in 20 minutes. Nobody is here to watch the three kids, who are all home from school with fevers and coughing. I've had a piece of toast and a cup of coffee, showered, and put my shoes on. Now I just have to muster up the courage to fight off the urge to flee.  And, hope that someone shows up to take care of the kids.